You Belong To Me

So, I’ve been thinking all week what I might like to write on this blog post. After all, it’s “MY” week–the week where I’m donating the book for the prize. Which means I’d like for the blog to be deep, and profound, and generate lots of comments and discussion–but no flame wars. (Is there anything that can accomplish all that?)

I’ve been reading other blogs, looking for ideas, (and checking out the book reviews–there are some seriously good books coming out this month…) and lots of things have impinged on my thoughts, but none of them really stuck. Or if they stuck, I couldn’t seem to come up with anything to say about them that hadn’t already been said. Until I stumbled across this musing on the relationship between feminism, masculinity and the problem of chivalry.

I don’t really want to go in any of the directions Elizabeth Litchfield has gone in this. I just want to comment on one little bit where she’s paraphrasing something her boss often says:

“A guy sidles up and starts to hit on you. You’re not interested, you feel uncomfortable, and you tell him in some way to back off. Maybe he does, just as likely he doesn’t. Now your boyfriend/husband/friend/brother walks into the bar, sizes up the situation, and comes up to greet you. He puts his arm around you and gives the other guy that look. And what does that guy say? “Sorry, man, I didn’t know she was taken.””

In this instance, the quote seems to be saying “Even though he’s protecting you, he’s still possessing you, and this is bad.” And maybe it is.

It IS bad when men perceive a woman to be fair game if she isn’t “taken.” Or possessed. As if a woman cannot possess herself.

And yet… When one is in a relationship–isn’t the possessing a mutual thing?

My husband is “taken” just as surely as I am. He belongs to me, just as much as I belong to him. We belong together. I protect him, just as he protects me. Now maybe I protect him in different ways–by feeding him foods he’s not allergic to (he’s pretty much allergic to the universe) for instance–but it is there.

I think this mutuality in the relationships between men and women is something that some feminists miss. Men and women ARE different. It’s a biological fact, and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I like the differences between us.

The differences are complementary. We’re meant to fit into each others’ gaps. Of course, the fit only works if there is mutual respect and trust, and most especially, love.

Which of course, is why I write romance novels. Okay, maybe my romance novels have magic and demons or clankety Jules-Verneish machine monsters, but they’re still about respect and trust and, most especially, love.

So what do you think? Does the idea of chivalry’s dark side surprise you? How bad do you like your bad boy heroes? (I have to admit, I tend to write good guys…) Do you think the bad boys can really be redeemed? Is there a dark side to chivalry? Or–any stray thought you might have on the topic–Share!!

You could win a book! ‘Cause, you know, the folks who comment get entered in the weekly contest.